Armpit Goats and Fuzzy Teeth: ADHD Women and Hygiene
“Mom – if the homo erectus didn’t have to use deodorant why do I?”
My son and I have been fighting about hygiene for years. Way before he knew anything about human evolution. He is fourteen and I’m sick of reminding him to put on deodorant every day. Even when I remind him he doesn’t seem to understand that he also has to dry his body off before he applies the deodorant. I’ve tried joking around about how “chicks don’t like smelly guys.” I’ve also attempted to explain that humans in general don’t want to smell each other if we don’t have to. Because we are no longer neanderthals.
The reality is that our modern day expectations around hygiene are fairly specific. We expect to not smell each other’s sweat or breath. For men this is fairly straightforward. But for women it’s a lot more loaded. WE are expected to not only eliminate body odors, but to add more pleasing scents. I found some very fun deodorant advertisements from the 1950s that insinuate that if you do not deodorize you will remain a pathetic, lonely virgin for the rest of your life.
No wonder hygiene brings up so many feelings for ADHD women.
Big Feelings About Body Odor
I’ve always had a fear of body odor. Probably because in middle school I shoved my gym clothes in my backpack and rarely washed them. I distinctly remember pulling them out in the locker room one day and realizing that they smelled terrible. Luckily every middle school girl in the 90s wore copious amounts of Bath and Body Works lotion, so I was able to cover up my smelly clothes with cucumber melon.
As an adult I use regular deodorant most of the time. Recently, I impulsively purchased sweat blocking wipes from Amazon. Every so often I still forget to put on deodorant, or I rush into a meeting after I work out. So when I stumbled upon these wipes that claimed to work for 5-7 days, it seemed like a great idea. A fall back plan for my ADHD memory issues if you will.
I read the directions several times. Nowhere did it say not to use them after shaving. So imagine my surprise when I patted (not wiped) my armpits and immediately felt a burn so strong it took my breath away. I stood topless in front of a box fan for about 30 mins to get some wind in my pits (while my husband tried not to laugh).
I write the whole story in my book, but this is the bottom line:
The wipes work. And I still use them!
I will trade some temporary burning for the satisfaction of knowing that if I have to speak in front of a room of people, and my arm pits are drenched in anxiety sweat, nobody will know because I wear black and use those wipes. And when I tell that story every woman in the room agrees with me.
Many ADHD women struggle with hygiene.
Because I’m the mother of a tween boy, and a scholar of all things bizarre and even tangentially related to brain-based differences, I started to research the origins of our desire to eliminate body odors.
Armpit Goats
Humans smell for the same reasons that all animals smell. We just have social norms and rules because of our overgrown prefrontal cortexes. First, understand that sweat doesn’t have much smell. It’s the bacteria on our skin that feed on the sweat and make the smell. Truth be told, without the bacteria we’d be in big trouble, so we don’t want to use too much antibacterial soap, even if every message we get from society is telling us to disinfect.
Before humans had soaps they just used weird stuff to cover up body odor. The Egyptians favored a paste applied to the head and neck that smelled like cookies . They also burned incense because the Nile was so stinky and all those smells mixed together was a lot.
The Romans were the ones that made body odor serious business. They built bath houses and anointed themselves with perfumes and oils to avoid unpleasant odors. Philosophers rebuked both men and women who suffered with body odor. (source)
“For over 2000 years, foul body odor has been a topic of conversation, a location for shame, and a way to assert superiority. Whether in ancient Rome or the present-day United States, dealing with goaty armpits has been a priority for many men and women. If you wear an antiperspirant, next time you apply it, you can thank the Romans.”
Body Odor Is A Social Construct (moreso than a health one)
Our distaste for smelling our own swither is not totally rational. By the time the bubonic plague swept through Europe, it was believed that disease traveled through the air. These days we know more about germ theory, but we still use our noses to decide what we think about other people. Humans are not rational.
Yes, And..I don’t think personal hygiene is total BS. Brushing and flossing and occasionally soaping up is a good thing. There’s a reason why the Romans and the Egyptians didn’t live that long. I’m sure hygiene and germ control was one of them.
BUT we’ve become a little obsessed with replacing the natural with the very un-natural.
My eleven year old doesn’t need to smell like Wicked Cool Citrus in order to not** smell like onions.
Ideas for dealing with your goats:
- If you don’t like deodorants, then you might want to shower more often. Or do like the college kids and scrub your armpits over the sink.
- If you forget to use deodorant try the wipes. They do work if you can get past the burning. (learn from my mistakes and skip the shave)
- If you’re gonna get hot, or you’re prone to anxiety sweating, make sure you use deodorant for these “special occasions.”
- You probably don’t need to shower everyday if you’re not sweating.
- Try to brush your teeth.
I’d love to tell you to ignore the cultural pressure to remove or disguise your body odors. It’s pretty ridiculous that we’re expected to smell like peach blossom at all times.But on the other hand, I don’t like the smell of BO or bad breath any more than anyone else. And things like poor oral health can have long-term consequences.
Fuzzy Teeth
It seems the Babylonian and Egyptians used “chewsticks” between 3500-3000 BC. This was followed by the Chinese using pig hair in the 1400s and then Europeans preferring horsehair thereafter. Since they also believed that bad humors and bile were the basis of health, teeth were probably an afterthought unless they caused a lot of pain or made it impossible to chew.
We now use nylon bristle brushes and minty paste to scrape food particles and junk off our teeth. Personally, I dislike having fuzzy teeth. But this isn’t just about our preference for fresh breath, our oral health is intimately tied to our general health. Unfortunately that doesn’t make brushing and flossing any more pleasant for those with sensory or other issues.
My best advice is to approach your teeth as you would with a child. Try different brushes until you find the least offensive device, and then repeat with toothpaste. Buy products marketed to kids with fruity flavors if it helps. Consider options like water picks if flossing is too much, and mouthwashes to swish. The point is to get yourself in a place where you don’t dread taking care of your teeth.
If your problem is more around getting into a routine, I would try habit stacking. You probably urinate when you get out of bed, so brush your teeth then. Same at night when you crawl into bed. If you still cannot remember, make brushing your teeth as effortless as possible.
- write dry erase messages on the mirror
- hang your toothbrush on the mirror (tape works)
- brush your teeth in the shower
- put a toothbrush at every sink
- keep a toothbrush in your workspace/handbag
- buy disposable toothbrushes and keep them everywhere
Women are Held to Unrealistic Standards
For hygiene but also everything else. ADHD women are at a disadvantage for obvious reasons. I write an entire chapter about femininity and beauty expectations in my book. Much of this was edited out of that book, which is disappointing…but now I can use it here.
Gender expectations happen on an individual, family, and larger societal level.
ADHD does not occur in a vacuum, so when we seek information and advice as women, we have to consider the interplay of gender expectations with our symptoms. And so I wrote a book from that angle. Hopefully out in December 2025. Stay tuned!
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