ADHD women at home don’t have it easy. We have very high standards for ourselves and we are often left feeling like a failure. I hated being a stay at home mom.
In fact I wrote an article about it for Huffington Post a while back. While I stand by what I wrote in that article, I will admit I have softened a little. Gone are the days of me feeling resentful of my husband going off to work.
The Hubs now works at home. My son is in school, so you’d think I could get a handle on my house. Not so much.
You see, I have what ADDitude Magazine calls Overwhelmed Mom Syndrome, and I am not alone. So many of us struggle with keeping our homes in order and our children fed and clothed.
If you are having a tough time creating the peaceful, organized and attractive home that you dreamed of you are not alone.
Forgive yourself and realize you cannot and should not try to do it all on your own.
Here is the audio version of this post for your convenience
the naked Truth About how adhd
affects women in the home
As if the piles of laundry, dishes and dog hair weren’t reminder enough, at least once per day I do something, or catch myself doing something absolutely ridiculous.
Generally the distracted things I do are not dangerous. But when you consider that I drive a car and operate home appliances on a daily basis, it is frightening.
How have I lived this long without losing a limb?
organizational tasks
In January of this year I cleaned out my closet. The same weekend I cleaned out my son’s drawers and pulled out the clothing that no longer fits him. I filled about 10 trash bags full of clothing and proudly threw them into the back of my car.
Today is March 5, 2019 and the bags are still in the back of my car. I have had quite a few opportunities to toss the bags into the consignment bins that sit all over town.
Filling the bags took me less than two hours. But then I lost my motivation and wanted to just move on with my life.
If you have ever started some type of organizational project in your house and then failed to finish it you are not alone.
poor working memory
While driving to school one morning my son pointed out that I had again forgotten to pack his favorite water bottle. As I contemplated what kind of meltdown this might cause, my child sighed heavily. A few moments later he said, “Mommy, why are you so forgetful?”
I stumbled over my response for a second, and finally told him that mommy has trouble remembering things sometimes. My sweet boy then said, “Mommy, you should take more naps so you can remember things.”
It’s pretty bad when your 8 year old points out your issues.
avoidance of unpleasant tasks
There is a dark, cold powder room in the basement of my house. Every so often I go in there to wipe down the sink and flush the toilet. I usually do this when I am down there doing laundry because the two rooms are adjacent.
Last week I went in and noticed there was an orange ring around the toilet because I hadn’t flushed it since the holiday season. Technically I should have gotten out the toilet brush and scrubbed it.
This is what I did instead:
Walked into the bathroom, lifted the toilet seat. Closed the toilet seat and walked out of the room without doing anything. Why?
Because it was gross and I didn’t want to do it. And I justified my inaction by telling myself eventually the Hubs will go in and do it for me.
I realize it would have taken a minute or less, but I could not force myself to do it in the moment.
poor motivation
We moved into this house in January of 2014. There is framed artwork that we paid money for still sitting in the storage area in the basement. There are also boxes labeled, “stuff.”
I have been unable to motivate myself to go through all of these boxes. I cannot explain why but every time I walk in that room and look at those boxes I become immediately agitated and overwhelmed.
Motivating ourselves is one thing, planning out the necessary steps to get something done is another issue all together. So we just ignore things and hope they will go away. If you happen to have found a cure for this let me know.
This cupboard door routinely smacks the Hubs in the head.
lack of awareness
At any given time you enter my kitchen you will find at least 2 open cupboard doors.
First, I open the big cupboard for a spice. I then open another cupboard for a mixing bowl, and then a drawer for a big wooden spoon.
As I do these things I think** I am focused on the task at hand.
More than likely I am on the phone with my mother, getting my son a drink, and trying to gather supplies to complete a recipe I printed off of a healthy eating blog.
My version of multi-tasking almost never ends well. Even when I monotask, I still struggle with the details and following directions.
All the cupboard doors will be open until my husband walks through the kitchen and closes them. He tells me that when we renovate the kitchen we are going to get those doors that close automatically. (If that is a real product then it will be well worth the money.)
You are not alone in your desire to feel more in control of your home and parenting.
Forgive yourself and realize you cannot and should not try to do it all on your own.
If you are having a tough time motivating yourself, arrange some time to work alongside a friend. Body doubling is a remarkably effective way to get things done.
Every ADHD woman struggles on some level with Overwhelmed Mom Syndrome. The best thing we can do for ourselves is share our stories and support each other.
I have a PRIVATE COMMUNITY FOR ADHD WOMEN. We work together toward a calmer, more satisfying life.